About Me

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My passion is helping others defend themselves and their families. I am an NRA Certified pistol instructor, a NRA Chief Range Safety Officer, leader of TWAW Shooting Chapters - North Cincinnati, and the state leader of TWAW Shooting Chapters - Ohio. I also have a heart for the Lakota people and lead mission teams to the Pine Ridge Reservation each year, am founder and director of Backpacks For Pine Ridge,, and do various volunteer work in my own community. My greatest joy is being a grandma and hanging out with my husband of 30+ years.

Friday, June 30, 2006

I'm Glad I'm NOT God

I would hate to have His job. Think of it, people questioning every decision you make all the time and blaming you for everything that goes wrong - even when it's their own fault because they didn't listen to you in the first place. Not a job I would aspire to.

And I admit, I am one of those people. Sometimes it's hard not to wonder if God has fallen off his rocker. Sometimes He acts in ways that I simply do not understand. Sometimes His apparent lack of action makes me wonder if He's paying attention. I've been known to tell Him on occasion that if I were Him, I would do things differently. That does not mean that my faith in Him is shaken. I KNOW He knows what He's doing, and I KNOW He has the situation under control, and I KNOW He is doing what is best for everyone involved. It's just that from my limited perspective, I don't "get it". That's OK. I don't have to "get" everything He does to believe He's got it covered. And I don't have to like everything He does to believe that He is indeed a good God.

I've posted here quite a few times about Carly, a little girl who is fighting leukemia. And as I've watched Carly's progress or lack of it, I have questioned God.

So far the story goes something like this ...

Carly's daddy goes to Iraq because he's in the army and it's his job to go when given orders to do so. Carly gets sick about the time her daddy is supposed to come home. RIGHT AFTER he gets home from Iraq, they are told that Carly has leukemia.

Then the search for a bone marrow donor. Doctors say that Carly's little brother is the best chance for a match. He is not a match. The doctors give little hope of finding another match but alas a "perfect" match is found - a 30-something year old man somewhere in the U.S. Carly is given high doses of chemo to get her ready for the bone marrow transplant. When she is ready, the bone marrow transplant is done. To the doctor's amazement, it goes well. Really well. Her body accepts the transplant far faster and far better than anyone could have expected.

Then problems come. Carly has trouble breathing and is put on a ventilator. Apparently the radiation has caused a hole to form in her lung. Things go downhill quickly and doctors give little hope for recovery.

We are now somewhere in this roller coaster ride and Carly is holding steady. She is still on a ventilator. Still having trouble breathing. Still fighting for her life. And we all scratch our heads and wonder at God.

What on earth is He thinking? Why bring her through all of the bone marrow transplant with flying colors only to have her fight this battle? It makes no sense. And yet, somehow I'm glad it doesnt' make any sense. If it did, then God might well be left out of the picture. It's frustrating to be sure, but I believe that God knows exactly what He's doing. And I believe that Carly is going to pull through this. It wouldn't be the first time the doctors were surprised and proven wrong where Carly's concerned. I even have a feeling that as Carly sleeps in her drug induced state that the God of the universe is whispering in her ear the plans He has for her.


Bar Bar A said...

Just read this and feel so sad for Carly's parents, and for her too of course, but I think it must be even harder on them.

I find it hard defending God sometimes. People ask "how can a good God allow so much evil and pain and heartache?" My answer is that he doesnt' cause he allows it....etc. But I even wonder myself.

I hope he's whispering to Carly just like you said. Jer. 29:11

Brian Buriff said...

He is whispering to Carly. Between the puffs of the ventilator and the beeps and noises common to an Intensive Care Unit, I can almost hear it myself as I stand by her bedside and pray.

I think He's whispering to each of us on different levels as well. I don't understand it either. This week has been better than last week.

Carly loves dolphins - she has them all over her room. We wish Carly's progress would be as swift as a dolphin in the open blue seas. Unfortunately it is that of the oh so slow steps of a box turtle. But progress on whatever level we accept gladly.

By the way, in addition to dolphins Carly also likes turtles!

Dionna Sanchez said...

I'm so sorry for Carly and her family. I have two little girls - I can only fathom .....

And I agree with you. I trust God - but sometimes struggle with wondering what He's doing or why He's doing it the way He's doing it.
But His ways are perfect....

David Cho said...

Wow. And 1/10 of what happens to Carly would shake my faith. Oh ye of little faith...