About Me

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My passion is helping others defend themselves and their families. I am an NRA Certified pistol instructor, a NRA Chief Range Safety Officer, leader of TWAW Shooting Chapters - North Cincinnati, and the state leader of TWAW Shooting Chapters - Ohio. I also have a heart for the Lakota people and lead mission teams to the Pine Ridge Reservation each year, am founder and director of Backpacks For Pine Ridge,, and do various volunteer work in my own community. My greatest joy is being a grandma and hanging out with my husband of 30+ years.

Friday, March 23, 2007

This Is Going to Be Harder Than I Thought

My son is packing. Little by little he is boxing up the stuff of his childhood and preparing to move in with Allison after the wedding.

I didn't think this would be a big deal. I've often said that there will be things that I will not miss when he moves out - mostly the way he leaves his "stuff" all over the house and the way he forgets to take the trash out until it spills over onto the floor.

Yes, I've looked forward to having a daughter-in-law and someday, the most wonderful thing in the world - grandchildren. I look forward to all the great things the future will bring. And yet as I see the boxes being packed up and his once messy room begin to look empty, I feel a real sadness. I will miss our talks that sometimes become tense but usually challenge both of us. He and I think alike on a lot of things and it's good to have someone to share those things with. I know those talks will become much, much fewer in the days ahead. It will not be the end of a relationship by any means but the relationship will change. While I do believe the change will bring even better things, right now, I don't like the pain that change brings.

Of course, I have a feeling that we'll still have some of his "stuff" around the house to irritate. And since they will be living at or below the poverty level, I imagine they will be eating at our house once a week or so.

All of this reminds me of the day our youngest went to kindergarten. I had babysat 4 small children plus my own two and I was really looking forward to getting my life back once they went to school. I looked forward to the simple joy of going to the grocery store without having to buckle up several car seats. I thought I couldn't wait for the day to come when my youngest climbed on the school bus and went to school. When the day came I walked him to the corner and waited impatiently for the bus to come as I looked forward to a few hours of freedom. Then the bus came, Logan climbed on it and waved and then a horrible thing happened. It drove away and I found myself on the curb thinking that I was SO NOT ready for that.

Now I'm at another change point in life, thinking I'm ready, sometimes more than ready, but knowing in my heart that I am SO NOT ready for this.

5 comments:

Brian Buriff said...

Dang it - now you made me cry. I didn't look at it that way until I read what you wrote. A grown man's not supposed to get all teary eyed at Panera. Okay...one box can stay.

David Cho said...

I remember after my sister got married, feeling really sad despite growing up sometimes as the worst of enemies. The thought hit me - It's never gonna be the same again.

Now she is married with two wonderful sons whom I love very much, and her life has touched me in ways that I never imagined.

Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset
Swiftly go the days
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers
Blossoming even as we gaze

Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following an other
Laden with happiness and tears

BarBarA said...

i'm crying too. it can't be easy. life has so many things to adapt to...it never stops.

Mustang Girl said...

Hi Amber! I am here via Barbara's Blog. What a beautifully touching post that has left me speechless!

.:hugs:.

Amber said...

You know what's funny ... Cody read this last night and almost cried too. :)