It's that time of year. We are 20 days out from our mission trip and it's getting tough for me personally. So far this year things have rocked on pretty smoothly, way more smoothly than ever before - until this week. This week I'm taking some personal hits and I could use the support of your prayers.
It's not anything that was really unexpected. I can never tell what the issue will be but after 4 years of doing this, I have come to expect that there will be people who will have issues with me each year. It's just not possible to please all the people all the time.
This is the hardest part of doing these trips. Being a person who wants the approval of others and wants to please everyone and wants to be liked, having people disapprove, accuse, and misunderstand my motives really rattles my cage. I tend to crumble inside, think I must really suck at this, and want to quit and run away. I truly believe that I do a good job but times like this can make me really feel like I need to just hang it up.
I do handle this kind of thing in healthier ways than I used to. Being in recovery for years helped me learn how to deal with stuff like this without self-destructing, but the issue is as much there as it ever was and that is what makes my job of coordinating these trips a huge challenge for me personally. Besides, I have a ton of work to do and dealing with "what must they think of me" really weighs me down and makes it hard to want to do anything.
There's not much anyone can do, but if you can pray for me, that would be appreciated.