About Me

My photo
My passion is helping others defend themselves and their families. I am an NRA Certified pistol instructor, a NRA Chief Range Safety Officer, leader of TWAW Shooting Chapters - North Cincinnati, and the state leader of TWAW Shooting Chapters - Ohio. I also have a heart for the Lakota people and lead mission teams to the Pine Ridge Reservation each year, am founder and director of Backpacks For Pine Ridge,, and do various volunteer work in my own community. My greatest joy is being a grandma and hanging out with my husband of 30+ years.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

I Don't Want to Do This Anymore

It has not been a good week. Oh, it's been good in many ways, but as far as Pine Ridge stuff, I would be happy to throw in the towel. Not completely mind you, I would just much rather be on the rez hanging out with the people there than doing what I do on this end.

The benefit concert is getting to be a drag. I've hit another snag. It happens. It's happened before and it will happen again. Eventually, something will break loose and it will move forward again. I've spent the week trying to get sponsors to no avail. I'm at a point where I need sponsors in order to pursue getting someone here who will draw people. We need to draw people so we can make money so we can buy school supplies

And I hate this.

I really do.

I hate operating in the business world with their "what's in it for me" attitudes. I hate what exposure I've had to the Christian music business because they have the same attitude. And I hate begging for money. Somehow I don't think Jesus spent His time begging and I can't quite stomach it myself. This is SO not what I'm about. but it seems to be a necessary evil. I do think it's evil. It sure smells evil. I'm ready to say "forget it". Those kids don't really need school supplies, do they?

It's too bad that people who have the money never seem to see the need and people who see the need never seem to have the money to meet it. I wonder why that is?

I don't know but I do know I don't want to do this anymore.

I would much rather just hang out on the rez, but I've already said that.

Never mind me, I'm just grumbling.


Barbara (aka Layla) said...

Grumble away, its part of the beauty of blogging, be able to vent, discuss, complain, ask, share....its all good stuff.

It really does suck that you have to deal with all this - especially the attitude part of "what's in it for me?"

Here is what I would feel like saying to some of them, you are way too nice to even think this way but here goes:]

"NOTHING! Nothing is IN IT for you, that's the point diphead! The joy is in the GIVING. You should be LOOKING for ways to give because you have more frigging money to spend in one day than some people have to spend in a month and this is an opportunity for you to help them by showing up to do what you love to do anyway. Plus if you really care about your image, this would make YOU look good so even if you are secretly doing it out of impure motives just DO IT and quit dragging your feet and causing Amber headaches."

Ok I don't know if this made it worse for you but I feel better

ps I understand people wanting to be compensated for travel expenses

pss I know many musicians struggle with finances too...but in perspective..

David Cho said...

Tax deductions ... what more do they want? My goodness.

Gary Means said...

Amber, I can understand your exasperation and fatigue.

So thank you for what you do. You have done so much, have given so much of yourself.

Dear Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,
This sounds incredibly frustrating. I ask that You would supply the needed school supplies. If that's through the benefit concert, then please work that out. If it's some other way, then I ask that You would work all circumstances together to Your purposes. I also ask that You would give Amber strength, stamina, courage, support, and that You would meet needs that only You know about. AMEN

That turned out to be a bit of an odd prayer, but I wanted to pray and let you know that I care.

And I don't mind reading your grumbling. When I do I am more apt to remember to pray for you when I'm not online.