About Me

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My passion is helping others defend themselves and their families. I am an NRA Certified pistol instructor, a NRA Chief Range Safety Officer, leader of TWAW Shooting Chapters - North Cincinnati, and the state leader of TWAW Shooting Chapters - Ohio. I also have a heart for the Lakota people and lead mission teams to the Pine Ridge Reservation each year, am founder and director of Backpacks For Pine Ridge,, and do various volunteer work in my own community. My greatest joy is being a grandma and hanging out with my husband of 30+ years.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Winter Frustration

I've not blogged in a while because I don't have much new to say. Imagine that. Basically, I'm just stewing in frustration.

I'm frustrated with my dad's health and the care he is getting. He has had a rare form of prostate cancer for a couple of years now. A year ago his urologist sent him to an oncologist for chemo. The oncologist decided that it was not time for chemo and chose to just test his PSA monthly and wait for it to get to a certain point before starting any treatment. Well, last month it went beyond that point and the urologist sent him back to the oncologist to see if he could get into a study for an experimental treatment. Wednesday he saw the oncologist who said that study was closed and he is still delaying chemo. He is scheduled for a bone scan and a cat scan but that's it. Just more waiting. In the meantime, the cancer is growing. I am frustrated that nothing is being done. It doesn't make any sense to me.

I'm also frustrated with my diet. It's been about 3 1/2 weeks now and I do feel better (no heartburn) but I've not lost much weight - maybe 5 - 7 pounds. I've "cheated" 3 times. Last Monday we went to Cody and Allison's and picked up some pizzas and Cody made brownies. I ate a slice of pizza, a couple of cheese sticks and a brownie. I did skip the ice cream. I know I should exercise and that would help but it's currently 0 degrees out. I don't want to walk when it's nice out and I'm not about to go out in that bitter cold. I just want to say to heck with it and eat whatever I want. I could really go for a bag of chips and a big juicy hamburger. I would regret it of course so I'll just keep doing the right thing every day and maybe one day I'll see a change. I guess that's the trick - just keep doing what you know you're supposed to do and someday it will pay off.

I'm also frustrated with this ear/sinus infection. Tomorrow is my last day of meds and I can't tell it's doing any good at all. I can't hear a thing out of my right ear and it's getting more annoying by the day.

I'm still working on Rezonate '08, trying to get sponsors. That's frustrating too. Everyone likes the idea, no one wants to pay for it. Things are moving along well in some areas - everyone is interested. A guy in our church recently reconnected with a former friend of his from high school on Myspace a couple of weeks ago. When he reposted one of our bulletins about the concert, she read it and was impressed with what we're doing. Turns out she is the editor of several local newspapers and is going to put it in the paper for us at no charge. That's cool but if we don't raise money to rent equipment, we won't be having a concert.

Oh, and it's COLD here. Did I mention that. There is just no way to warm up when it's this cold.

So that about sums up life here for the moment.


England Angel said...

Hi Amber This is Nicky's mum from England
I just read this getting the link from Josh's blog.
I know how you feel about your dad. My dad had bowel cancer last year and nothing is worse than not being able to do anything for them. You have to hand the situation over to God every day and let HIM deal with it. Your diet situation I know about that too I'm trying to lose some pounds b4 Michelle's wedding in June it's really hard when it's cold. HOT drinks/Soups warm you and fill you up. Nicky has some 40 calories HOT Chocolate she got from England Hmmmm. they're great when you fancy something yummy without the calories. Well stay warm praying for you.

Kansas Bob said...

I think that it is so hard when things seem to be so out of control. With my wife in a wheelchair these days I am trying to let go and be comfortable when things seem so out of control., easier said than done :(

Amber said...

WOW! I am so excited to hear from you! We have been praying for Nicky's grandpa. Dealing with doctors can be so frustrating.

My son was married last year and I too wanted to lose some weight before the wedding. Unfortunately, I didn't get motivated to try very hard. I suppose if I just keep doing the right thing eventually it will work out.

We really enjoy Nicky. She is so sweet and smart and funny. I used to have lunch with her and another friend every so often and she is delightful to be around. You've done a fine job of raising her.

Amber said...


I think you hit the nail on the head - things are out of control. Especially with my dad's health. I know one day I will lose my dad unless I'm in some accident before then ( a possibility with us driving in Ireland) but when the docs don't seem to be trying to do anything it is very difficult.

Kansas Bob said...

Five years ago I was faced with the trauma of dealing with crisis when my wife became paralyzed from the waist down after we boarded a cruise ship. I vividly remember the crisis and how God spoke to me about letting go ... He whispered these words to me "You cannot project manage your way out of this. You need to flow with Me in this and give up control".

Giving up control has been one of the most difficult things of my life. It has involved confronting many of my fears and insecurities and learning to lean into my heart and trust God in ways that are so difficult. But the end result has been more freedom and joy in my life.. for that I am thankful.

Hang in there Amber!