About Me

My photo
My passion is helping others defend themselves and their families. I am an NRA Certified pistol instructor, a NRA Chief Range Safety Officer, leader of TWAW Shooting Chapters - North Cincinnati, and the state leader of TWAW Shooting Chapters - Ohio. I also have a heart for the Lakota people and lead mission teams to the Pine Ridge Reservation each year, am founder and director of Backpacks For Pine Ridge,, and do various volunteer work in my own community. My greatest joy is being a grandma and hanging out with my husband of 30+ years.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Famous Last Words of a Redneck - "Hey y'all, watch this"

We've been working on some major landscaping. I am not a gardner, at all. I tend to kill whatever I get a hold of and if they don't die outright, they sit and beg to be put out of their misery.

Which is why one of my flower beds looks like this.

Needless to say, we have work to do if we want our neighbors to remain happy.

But as projects seem to do, this one grew.

First we were just going to tear out all of the old shrubs that are overgrown and dying and plant some new ones. Maybe plant some flowers too. Nothing that takes much looking after because, well, you know, I'll kill them, but something to at least look like we're trying to beautify the place.

But of course, if you're going to do it, may as well do it right ... right? That's the kind of thinking that got us into trouble.

We have this one problem area beside the garage where a lot of cement is and nothing will ever grow there, so I thought I would put a rock garden there. I've never done a rock garden before and until earlier this week, didn't even know what one was. But I've googled it so I think I can do this.

Then Brian decided that he would take out one of the three sections of sidewalk that has cracked. I figure hey, if we're going to tear out one section of sidewalk, why not tear it all out and make a "garden path" there instead. I've never liked that sidewalk anyway and a garden path would go better with the cottage style flower garden we have planned.

That's when things got ugly. Really ugly.

It meant getting a sledge hammer and busting up all of the old cement sidewalk. And it was a hot day the day Brian did it. Now Brian is pretty buff and pretty strong - ask him, he'll tell you all about how he broke a machine at the Y by lifting too much weight for the machine. But by Wed. night he was doubled over in pain and was throwing up. He over did it. Too much swinging of a sledge hammer in the heat and not enough water will apparently do that to ya.

Then, halfway thought tearing out the sidewalk, the steps fell off. That's them, laying in the flower bed.

So now we've got to build new steps. And a new garden path. And a rock garden. And then till up the old flower bed and plant something new.

I've spent too much time on the phone with nurseries this week and have decided that nursery people really just don't like me. Maybe they can tell by my voice that I'm not a plant person and are trying to protect their plants from the likes of me, but they have been rude and completely unhelpful. At one I visited the other day I simply walked in and before I could say or do anything (the door had not even finished closing behind me) the guy said, "you may as well go on back out". I did.

This morning Brian and I went to the rock place to order rock for the path and the rock garden. We walked around and picked out several small boulders for the rock garden. When we asked how to weigh them so we could pay, we were told that if they had to use the Bobcat to move them it would cost more so Brian and I took the Ford Escort and he and I loaded it up with boulders and drove it to the scale. Yes, I lifted the boulders too - Brian threatened to take a picture. Then, don't ya know it after she weighed them she got the Bobcat and moved them to pile to be delivered to us on Monday. Now why couldn't she have done that to begin with?

Then it was off to Home Depot to get stuff to make new steps. Yes, we loaded the Ford Escort up again and drove it, very carefully and very slowly home. I feel like such a Redneck sitting in the car holding onto these long planks so they won't fall out the back. Brian just said, "Oh no problem ... we can get that in the car." Sure we can. As long as the wife sits there holding onto it.


Michelle said...

if you need help Carl and I love plants, gardening etc. Berns in Middletown is a place I love to go when I'm having a bad day, I have books etc. let me know if we can answer questions or help any way your post made me giggle-Logan was adorable at the Princess Party

hallga77 said...


Remember, rocks don't grow on trees and can get expensive.Here is A link for some things for a proper "rock"garden:

or you could take it even further with:


Sorry, I wasn't able to find a statue of Bono (yet) but this one is another Irish rock star.

I thought you & the Redkneck From Red Bluff drove a Focus not an Escort.

Amber said...

Ah, leave it to a Ford guy to correct me. It is a Focus, not an Escort. All I know is, I don't like it. I wish he had an Edge or something but he likes those little bity cars so he can park anywhere.

And no statue of Bono?? Actually I think I need a statue of a dog with one of those rock speakers playing a recording of a dog barking to disuade the neighborhood cats from getting into the catmint I'm going to plant.