IF ....I had only known what I was getting myself into .... I wouldn't have done it.
Don't misunderstand ... I'm now very glad that I did do it ...
But if I had known all that I was getting into, I would have been scared spitless and I wouldn't have done it. I rarely let fear stand in my way - case in point, I've agreed to go flying with a friend once she gets her pilot's licence. But this fear would have been different. I would have been afraid that I would have been inadequate to do the job. And I would have been right. I am inadequate to do it. But the good news is ... that's OK. I'm finding that God often uses the least adequate people.
I was thinking about the irony of it yesterday .... I mean I don't even go to concerts and yet I'm organizing one. And the purpose for the concert is to raise money for school supplies for poor kids. Me, the person who dropped out of FIVE schools is raising $ for school supplies. How weird is that? Don't ever try to tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor.
But ignorance is sometimes bliss and I was totally ignorant on all three counts.
I was ignorant as far as how to lead mission trips. I had been on them but leading them is a whole different animal. An animal that eats me up sometimes because I like people to like me and they often don't. I've decided trying to lead people is a sure-fire way to make sure that some people won't like you. The people-pleaser in me has a lot of trouble with that but I'm surviving ... and learning and growing.
I was ignorant about Backpacks. It began as a little idea that maybe it would be a good thing to take some backpacks to the kids we would be working with on the Rez. I had no idea .... that one day we would go further than that and how much effort that would take. Me, who isn't a big fan of charity spends an awful lot of time doing charity stuff.
And then there's that concert in the park thing. I wont even go there. Probably because I don't even know enough to know what I'm supposed to be doing with that. Thank God for teams. I hope they show up at the meeting Friday (hint to all team members reading here). I cannot do this without you. I'm not saying that to me nice or to be humble - its really true.
I guess one thing I have going for me is a sense of adventure. Some people call that stupidity. Maybe it is but if so, its a good thing I'm stupid.
For those of you who wonder what I "do" now that I don't work....
Last night I was up till 1am redoing the Backpacks website. I somehow managed to mess it up by putting Eliot Sloan's info on it and ended up with Blessid Union of Souls' website background as the background on my website. How that happened I've no idea and neither did tech support. Frankly it looked way better than mine and I would have been happy to leave it there but its theirs, not mine and they probably wouldn't be fine with that.
This morning I answered email ... most of it anyway. One of those was a confirmation about a band so I went back and updated the web site again. I've still got to send email to all the bands and communicate with them about the drum kit (is that what you call it??). And I've still got to get back to that reporter who wants to write a story about us and set up a time for an interview. Its free press and I shouldn't keep that waiting too long.
Then I packed about 4 more boxes of backpacks and then hauled them plus about 8 more downstairs. Two of those were BIG and I thought about waiting for Brian to get home to do it but .... I really wanted it done so I did it. Now I feel pretty good about myself for being able to lift that and carry it downstairs. Glad I didn't fall.
I am now going to work on the team booklet - it all has changed. All of it. Every last bit of it. So its a complete do-over. Not sure how many days I've already spent on that thing or how many more I will spend on it before its finished. Good to know that even with that it will have mistakes and may get tossed once we're there.
Somewhere in all of that I took a phone call from someone who was concerned about how to witness to people who are different than they are. Not sure I was much help but I guess they felt better after we talked.
Oh, and I've got to prepare for that meeting tomorrow night too.
Glad dinner is already ready - we're having a cold ham and cheese sandwich.