OK, so the pic has nothing really do to with this post. It was just a pic that I needed to post because I like it. :)
I'm not sure how a day can be so good as far as ministry and so bad personally, but today was both good and bad.
Today was another one of those days where I've just been blown away. There is so much giving going on that I don't even know what to say about it. I'm sick. Really sick. And its NOT a good time for me to be sick with so much work for Rezonate this week. I did go to church last night because our crew had the service and were sharing about the trip to Pine Ridge, but as soon as I got home my fever spiked at 103 and I went to bed with chills and felt about as bad as I ever have.
This week I am forced to stay at home and do what I can via email and phone calls while my team carries the ball. I don't like that. It bugs me to no end to be grounded while other people are doing "my" work. It makes me feel guilty. I know this is not about "me" at all. This is about taking the love of God in a really tangible way to the kids at Pine Ridge. I know that is why these good folks are giving so much of their time and money to this, but it still feels like I should be doing the bulk of the work, and I am not. Its very frustrating. I'm sure God has some big profound lesson for me in this, but I don't like it. Not one bit. Add to that all my own "issues" are giving me fits. I know my old therapist used to tell me that fat wasn't a feeling but I'm here to tell you that I feel fat. And ugly. And looking at all the pics of me on the trip doesn't help. They just serve as a reminder of how fat and ugly I really am. Oh well... it's not about me, right. That's what I tell myself anyway. Not sure if that's just a way to avoid some bigger deeper issue that I should be addressing but heck, I'm too tired and sick to figure that one out.
Then there are the people who are giving in big ways. I don't even know what to say about that either. At church a lady handed me an envelope with my name on it and "Rezonate" written on it. I had no idea what it was and didn't open it until I was in the car and on the way home. When I did I found two $100 bills. This was from a single mom who, I imagine, had a tough time making ends meet. Wow. I was floored.
And until today the stage for Rezonate was two flatbed trucks put together. Not bad. In fact, it was probably what was expected. But today there is word of an anonymous donation of a couple thousand dollars to rent us a professional stage. The donor doesn't want to be named. He wasn't asked to do this.
*sigh* Yeah, I just don't even know what to say.