About Me

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My passion is helping others defend themselves and their families. I am an NRA Certified pistol instructor, a NRA Chief Range Safety Officer, leader of TWAW Shooting Chapters - North Cincinnati, and the state leader of TWAW Shooting Chapters - Ohio. I also have a heart for the Lakota people and lead mission teams to the Pine Ridge Reservation each year, am founder and director of Backpacks For Pine Ridge,, and do various volunteer work in my own community. My greatest joy is being a grandma and hanging out with my husband of 30+ years.

Friday, February 06, 2009

Queston About Boundaries

It took me years, a life-threatening disease, and massive recovery effort, but I finally "got it" about the need for boundaries.

Boundaries are essential to a healthy life. They are NOT walls to keep people out, they merely define what is yours and what is mine so it is clear what is your responsibility and what is my responsibility. They make life saner. They make life more peaceful. They are a lot like a fence around your yard to define where my responibilty begins and ends. I get that. There is a lot of freedom in understanding that. And I've gotten pretty good at establishing and enforcing healthy boundaries ... BUT, I have a question.

OK, so to use an analogy ... say my neighbor's garbage keeps getting into my yard. Its their garbage, not mine. However, I might choose to just throw it away, but if it becomes a habit, say they get the idea that they can just throw their stuff in my yard and I'll deal with it so they don't have to, then I need to push their garbage back into their yard for them to deal with, right? Right. I'm cool with that.

BUT ... I still live in the neighborhood. I still have to witness the chaos in their yard. SO.... how do I deal with that without going crazy??

5 comments:

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

Well considering all the Al-Anon input in my life lately my first thought was: don't pick up their trash in the first place, push it back and then you won't have this problem.

So the answer is - you will go crazy cause you chose to get involved with their garbage. OR you could keep your eyes closed so you don't SEE it. No easy answer.

Michelle said...

Amber-my sweet friend if you get this figured out call me ASAP!!!

Amber said...

I wish I could figure out how to close my eyes to it. Its hard when you're surrounded on every side by people who refuse to take any responsibility for their stuff. The insanity is annoying.

Kansas Bob said...

Great thoughts Amber! I think of boundaries as the tracks that a train travels on.. what would the train be without them?

Kansas Bob said...

And about your neighbor's trash.. it seems that you can either deal with the symptoms or the root of the problem.. not that it is easy..