I'm grateful for the position I'm in. Its not always comfortable. It doesn't always make me feel happy. Sometimes it feels like its really unpleasant. But, it is good.
You see, because I'm a pastor's wife I don't have the same options that other folks have. Other folks can choose to leave a church if it no longer appeals to them. Other folks have the freedom to stay anonymous at church. Other folks have the option of not being friendly to everyone. Other folks have the option of cutting off relationships that no longer meet some need they have. Other folks can do whatever makes them happy.
I have none of those options available to me. And I'm glad. That's right. I'm glad. If my church isn't feeding me or appealing to me in some way, I have to stick it out, go anyway, find a way to make it work. I can't be anonymous. Everybody there knows who I am - and they think they know me. They probably don't know me well at all but because they know something about me, they think they know all about me. Sometimes that can be annoying to someone who doesn't like being misunderstood. And if someone is annoying to me, I don't have the option of just cutting them off. I have to be there to serve them whether I like them or not.
And that is a good thing.
It forces me to engage in things I find distasteful - anyway. It forces me to see that sometimes people or situations enter our lives for some purpose other than meeting my needs or making me happy. In short, it forces me to develop a part of me that would not develop otherwise.
I know its a popular thing now to just cut people off who aren't all we would like for them to be. I know its popular to leave situations, marriages, and institutions that aren't making us happy in some way. But that my friends, is not good.
Boundaries are good things to have. Everybody would benefit from good, firm, healthy boundaries. But make no mistake, boundaries are not walls. They are very different things and I think too often they are confused. You might have to cut someone off from your life for a time, but the purpose of that is to work things out in the relationship - its not a way to leave.
Think about it ... do you really just want to do what makes you happy?